lessons gained this quarter

Looking back on my first quarter as a transfer student here at UCLA, I am so grateful that I decided to start it off with taking Chicana art. I'll admit that at first I thought it would be a class primarily centered on learning about artists, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise to know that I would be learning how to make art as well. Art has always been something that I've appreciated and admired, but my own personal visual creativity and ability to create was never encouraged. The main lesson that I gained this quarter in this class was that I have the ability to create things I'm proud of and find aesthetically pleasing. This new knowledge of myself and my own abilities has carried into pursuing other creative endeavors in my life, including my interest in writing, making zines, and going into radio. The side of me that has been suppressed by many outlets for many years by many different people is finally being exposed again, and although this weird type of awakening has been frightening and surprising, I'm really really excited to see where I go. I'm eternally grateful for this course because it helped me begin to break down the wall that was preventing me from attempting to do the things I've spent my whole life admiring from afar. Learning about artists like Patssi Valdez, Laura Aguilar, and Diane Gamboa really validated me and made me embrace the "weirdness" about me that so many people have tried to push out of me. Gaining access to their stories and works have inspired me to really flourish in who I am as a person and to reconnect with a certain creativity and set of interests that I was pushed to leave in my teenage years. The process of creating the sketchbook turned into me essentially developing a draft for a zine I hope to create in 2015 - one of my first posts on this blog centered on the theme I hoped to explore through my work, that being vulnerability. Oftentimes women of color are discouraged from reveling in their vulnerabilities because various tropes suggesting tough exteriors and inherent strengths are constantly shoved our way and applied to our personhood. Experiencing a very derailing trauma early in the quarter led to constantly being praised for my courage and strength, and oftentimes it felt like I couldn't simply be sad about what happened to me. Being given the tools necessary to create became a big part of how I learned to heal, and how I will continue to heal. I'm really grateful for everything I learned. Amen.