lessons gained this quarter

Looking back on my first quarter as a transfer student here at UCLA, I am so grateful that I decided to start it off with taking Chicana art. I'll admit that at first I thought it would be a class primarily centered on learning about artists, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise to know that I would be learning how to make art as well. Art has always been something that I've appreciated and admired, but my own personal visual creativity and ability to create was never encouraged. The main lesson that I gained this quarter in this class was that I have the ability to create things I'm proud of and find aesthetically pleasing. This new knowledge of myself and my own abilities has carried into pursuing other creative endeavors in my life, including my interest in writing, making zines, and going into radio. The side of me that has been suppressed by many outlets for many years by many different people is finally being exposed again, and although this weird type of awakening has been frightening and surprising, I'm really really excited to see where I go. I'm eternally grateful for this course because it helped me begin to break down the wall that was preventing me from attempting to do the things I've spent my whole life admiring from afar. Learning about artists like Patssi Valdez, Laura Aguilar, and Diane Gamboa really validated me and made me embrace the "weirdness" about me that so many people have tried to push out of me. Gaining access to their stories and works have inspired me to really flourish in who I am as a person and to reconnect with a certain creativity and set of interests that I was pushed to leave in my teenage years. The process of creating the sketchbook turned into me essentially developing a draft for a zine I hope to create in 2015 - one of my first posts on this blog centered on the theme I hoped to explore through my work, that being vulnerability. Oftentimes women of color are discouraged from reveling in their vulnerabilities because various tropes suggesting tough exteriors and inherent strengths are constantly shoved our way and applied to our personhood. Experiencing a very derailing trauma early in the quarter led to constantly being praised for my courage and strength, and oftentimes it felt like I couldn't simply be sad about what happened to me. Being given the tools necessary to create became a big part of how I learned to heal, and how I will continue to heal. I'm really grateful for everything I learned. Amen.

week eight, pachuca with razor blade

My time spent in my family home this past couple of days proved to induce more nostalgia than anticipated. Nostalgia is the feeling I get when I look at this image. I was present at a Mike Brown protest on Tuesday night in downtown Los Angeles and I ran into the girls I navigated high school with. The days going into nights spent in either one of our bedrooms anticipating the night ahead were very formative, and instilled a further love for the late night in my heart. The three of us are Chicanas, and each one of us have different experiences. But there is something undoubtedly familiar about this image. The process of getting ready to go out and be seen is something very intimate and personal. Flourishing in one's own aesthetic and encouraging your friends to flourish in their own is an experience that comes with growing up into ourselves, and this image depicting the process is something I think is relatable for many people. Running into them and being reminded of that time also reminded me of this image, and although we weren't pachucas with razorblades, this is still an image that carries a lot of sentimental value. 

Week 6 response to post: Gian Campos-Chicanx Art

Reading my friend Gian's post discussing perception of modern Chicanx art really resonated with me for several reasons. First off, I agree that there are very stratified limits in what Chicanx art can be and what it's supposed to convey. Granted I appreciate and admire murals and homages to la virgen as well, but I do agree that there needs to be an expansion in the perception of what our art can be. Something else I was able to relate to was how everything we do is supposed to have the inherent purpose of being political and revolutionary. It's something I've rejected in the formation of my identity because I don't want my experiences and values to be tokenized. Our creativity is never encouraged, and I admire and encourage Gian's artwork and presence in the art world because it's beautiful and important.

Laura Aguilar, Carlee Fernandez, and Isis Rodriguez

In this week's presentations, a common theme was the concept of identity and each artist's grasp of their own identity and how it influenced their art. Each artist also took a different approach to how their identity tied in with their art-it seemed that some were more open to integrating their identity with their work opposed to others. However, something that they all had in common was that their life experiences heavily influenced the work they put out. In this entry, I am choosing to focus on three different artists because I think that each woman's way of integrating their identity with their work showcases different ways that people connect with how they are branded and with how they brand themselves.

LAURA AGUILAR
I honestly feel so privileged to have seen the video in which Aguilar talks about her work. Although we come from different experiences with our bodies, I was able to relate to some of the things she was saying about her body and her initial disconnect with her physical self. The harmful she was received as a result of how she looks is despicable, and I admire her strength in reclaiming a beauty society has attempted to convince her is nonexistent. My favorite work of hers is the following:

With this image, I truly feel that Aguilar is reclaiming her space in the world, and recognizing her autonomy. Her declaration of herself as a fat lesbian is both reclaiming and brash. To me, this work reflects that notion in the sense that her action of taking space in an art world reserved for heterosexual and thin white people revolutionizes her existence and her art. By placing herself amongst nature I feel that she's declaring her place in the world and making her existence known when most would rather cast their eyes down upon meeting her. Her relationship with her identity is complex but potent, and I think that this complexity and strength shows in her work. I admire her greatly. 

CARLEE FERNANDEZ

I have a complex attitude towards Fernandez, her work, and what she says about her work. Something I've struggled with in the formation of my Chicana identity is that I sometimes don't fit what a Chicana is "supposed" to be. I always press the matter that the Chican@ experience is anything but homogenous, and I've always refrained from relating the experience to a stereotypical trope. I don't have anything against any lifestyle any Chican@ chooses to follow, and I embrace all of our different experiences. The fluidity of our identity is something to embrace. However, this isn't a notion that I'm recognizing in Fernandez, her work, or anything she says in regards to her identity. I understand her desire to distance herself from what mainstream art regards as "Chican@ art" but in doing so, I feel she is further perpetuating the limits of the label and failing to integrate fluidity in what Chican@ art is. 

ISIS RODRIGUEZ

I'm relatively new to Rodriguez' work, but I have an admiration for it and for her integration of her experience as a sex worker into it. I especially like how she pushes the viewer to recognize the damages that the sex industry perpetuate. I find that modern mainstream feminism tends to sometimes regard porn as empowering, when in fact the industry itself is extremely dangerous and abusive to the women who are in pornography and who do sex work. The damage that porn perpetuates is embedded in modern societal mentality, and the standard that it pushes is unrealistic and very damaging. Her assertion of this through her art reflects upon her life experience and her identity as a former sex worker. 

The image above is my favorite because it reflects her cartoon-inspired style and because I can see a concept that's been on my mind lately in the piece itself. Ironically, throughout Catholic high school, I experienced a falter in my faith and admiration in La Virgen. I grew up with the image and lived by it, but something about teen girl ponkera angst didn't leave room for it for me. In recent months, possibly due to a traumatic experience, my interest and faith in her has been reestablished. Lately I've been feeling like you could truly find La Virgen anywhere, and she is much more relatable than we think. The image above reminds me of all the girls I grew up admiring for their unapologetic sense of selves and for their aesthetic. I see it as a tribute to the girls often criminalized and stigmatized, and finds the beauty and reverence and general chingona-ness in who they are. 

Each of these artists present a narrative through their work, one that focuses on their embrace and neglect of certain identities. I find the difference in each person's work beautiful, and it further contributes to my assertion that our experience as Chican@s isn't homogenous, and anything that we put into the world will be different. And that's my favorite thing about our community - the fact that we could find harmony in our differences. 

patssi valdez

In this week's artist presentations, one Chicana artist that stood out in particular was Patssi Valdez. I've always a curiosity and interest in ASCO in general, but I was happy to learn more about Valdez's involvement in the art group. Unfortunately Chicanismo and the art world tend to uphold standards of the patriarchy, and this sexism is what drew me to this particular image. The context of this photograph also draws attention to the still-relevant fight for Chican@ representation in the art world. I chose this image because I think it says a lot about Valdez and what she stood for, and continues to stand for. She refused to be left out of her colegas' act of resistance, and was determined to make her presence and contributions to the group just as notable as what her male counterparts were being praised for. To me this image is the definition of what it is to be chingona - brash, taking up space, refusing to be submissive, and letting your presence be known. I would love to do more research on Patssi Valdez and ASCO one day. 

week three sketchbook stencil

I've chosen this image by the artist Geoff McFetridge to have on the cover of my sketchbook for this quarter's sketchbook project. Something that I've shown interest in recently is vulnerability and how women of color, specifically Chicanas, aren't given enough room to express their vulnerabilities and complexities. Oftentimes I feel that the trope of the Strong Chicana is ultimately dehumanizing in the sense that when we experience trauma all anyone wants to focus on is our strength and bravery in handling said trauma. This is relevant to me as of late; my response to my trauma has initiated reactions such as "oh you're so brave, you're so strong"...it sometimes felt as though I was not being given enough room to mourn or be sad about what I experienced. I feel that this image expresses vulnerability in the sense that the figure is clearly somber and the fact that their face is halfway hidden is symbolic of our tendency to hide our emotions because we're encouraged to put on this front of being strong all the time. The fact of the matter is is that as women, we are extremely complex. The reinforced tropes that are pushed upon us relegate our identities to tired stereotypes, and I think it's important to embrace our different emotions and try to dismantle the tropes that people use to define us. 

la virgencita

Professor Alicia de Gaspar Alba's lecture on the Chican@ Art Resistance and Affirmation (CARA) exhibit was eye-opening in several ways. First off, with the knowledge gained through her essay "Out of the House," I knew that the exhibit itself was a big deal and could be deemed progressive, but the reduced role of the Chicana artists left a sour and familiar taste in my mouth. Reading the essay was my first time learning about the exclusionary atmosphere of Chicano art, but I definitely was not surprised. Patriarchy, misogyny, and the reinforcement of gender norms has been an unfortunate part of the Chica@ community from the very beginning of the reclamation of the word and the inception of the movement, and it even seeped into our art. The placement of the "Feminist Visions" section of the exhibit between the homage to the past and the look to the future only reinforced the Chicana's role as furthering the race through giving birth. This is a horribly narrow, transmisogynist, and ultimately suffocating view of the Chicana. The objectives of the exhibit as education for and communication with the community and art as a form of consciousness building are well-meaning and very important for the growth and enrichment of our community, but the exclusion of half of our gente ultimately undermines these objectives. Despite these seemingly inescapable issues, the Chicana contribution to the exhibit was extremely powerful and important. The criticism of our roles being reduced to mother or revolutionary supporter or "fulana" was evident in a lot of the work, and despite our representation being horribly reduced, they still began to pave the road for future Chicanas in art. 


It goes without saying that La Virgen plays a pivotal role in the hearts of many Mexican@s and Chican@s. Whether or not there should be different interpretations of her has always been a heated debate, one that I have personally had with myself. It is interesting to me that as I get older, La Virgen has become progressively more important to me. I went to Catholic school my whole life, and grew up with a grandmother who was always been a very adamant Catholic. My parents themselves are not religious, but I always felt a special connection to La Virgen. My affection for and faith in her even survived my angsty agnostic phase in high school. I condemned the Church (still do) and denounced any affinity to God and Jesus, but you know I still wore that bracelet with La Virgen around my wrist. She is definitely omnipresent; throughout every major trauma or hardship in my life my mind has always wandered back to her. I am in full support of questioning her story and interpreting her image in different ways because ultimately it is damaging to put a figure on such a rigid pedestal. Questioning and reinterpreting makes her more accessible and possibly more relatable. I am in full support of feminist interpretations of her image; finding her image in the image of every day women is a powerful thing because I think it reinforces the notion that we all have a little bit of La Virgen in us. I genuinely believe that we all have some type of divine tendency in us, and that our ability to love and support comes out when artists interpret La Virgen as an every day woman. It's important to humanize her as well. Yolanda Lopez's piece in which she gives La Virgen legs is so important to me because it effectively reminds the viewer not to put her on a pedestal, and that she cannot be held responsible to take on the world's troubles standing still with her head down. As I grow older, I find that my dependency on her has grown, especially in times when I find I need strength. Her image is extremely comforting to me, and I put most, if not all, my faith in her. I'm not one to attend mass so much these days, but when I do decide to pray, I always conversate with La Virgen. 

kayleigh wade :+)

Hey y'all, my name is Kayleigh Wade and this is my first quarter here at UCLA. I'm a third-year transfer student from Lynwood, CA aka SELA aka Southeast LA. My major is Chican@ Studies, with my primary camino in the expressive arts and my secondary camino in labor, law, and policy. I am also looking into several different minors, including education, urban planning, and film. Art and my community are my primary passions; through education based in art I hope to enrich and implant an appreciation for art. Although I'm not very well-versed in creating visual art itself, I do love to analyze, write, and live it. I have many interests including FOOD, zines, music (right now I'm mostly listening to Peruvian garage rock from the 60s), writing when I can, and hoping I can learn to skate one day. 

In Profesor Alicia Gaspar de Alba's work Out of the House, the Halo, and the Whore's Mask: The Mirror of Malinchismo, the representation of Chicana art is discussed. In the matter of the slightly groundbreaking CARA exhibit, in which Chicana art was perceived to have been well represented, there were approximately 100 more pieces by Chicano artists than Chicana artists. This is illustrated by an unequal ratio in works in each of the exhibit's sections. In addition, the art collectives that were highlighted coincidentally excluded groups that were primarily made of women, specifically Las Mujeres Muralistas from San Francisco. Needless to say, it was massively unbalanced. The difference between politics of identity and identity politics and how formative they are in the consciousness building in women is also discussed. The tendency to reinforce harmful gender roles and norms was very much normalized in the beginnings of the Chicano movement, and although there has been at least some progress, I would argue that our community definitely needs some more work.  A binary of being an Adelita or a Malinche is reinforced in the movement to this day, perhaps not as obviously as back in the day, but its presence is subtle and known and adopted by many. The author also heavily and rightfully criticizes the heteronormativity in the community, particularly in the way that it affects queer Chicanas. The heterocentric stress on la familia, and a nuclear familia at that, deliberately excludes the queer Chican@ experience; to stray from the standard of heteronormativity and complete and utter devotion to the movement and the family and the men is to apparently betray the community itself. A point that really blew my mind was the author's discussion of the placement of the "Feminist Visions" section of the exhibit, which was placed between a romanticized homage to the past and an equally romanticized look to the future, emphasizing the Chicana's biological role in furthering the race. The concept of the Chicana lesbiana as evoking of la Malinche is also particularly interesting; she is inherently rebellious because she goes against the patriarchal and heteronormative expectation of what a Chicana should be. The further placement of the Chicana in the backseat of our community's discourse is further exemplified through Patssi Valdez's muted contributions to ASCO. Overall this work was affirming in the sense that it put words to the suspicions I had of the Chican@ art community. As someone who wishes to curate one day, these issues are something I need to take into consideration as I further my education.

In "There's no Place like Aztlan: Embodied Aesthetics in Chicana Art," also by Professor Gaspar de Alba, the concept of home as a formidable part of identity is discussed. She illustrates this through the narrative of "The Wizard of Oz," which emphasizes the notion of home, and one's desire to return to the place that makes one feel most safe. Ultimately the notion of finding's one's own identity through challenging themselves illustrates the experience of folks living in diaspora. The gendered relationship that many have with Aztlán and the contradictions that are an inherent part of the discourse are discussed in relation to the role that Chicanas have in Chican@ culture. Since the community itself has patriarchal and gendered tendencies, the question is posited whether Chicanas effectively go "beyond Aztlán" when asserting themselves in the arts, politics, etc. I agree with the idea that nationality isn't the only aspect of an identity; there is so much more to who we are that make up our identity, and the idea that the space in between each of these identity markers are equally as important. In addition, the author notes Dorothy's "articulation of desire" and "resistance to hegemony" as central to the formation of her identity; I think that this is very relevant to the formation of identity for Chicanas. In my personal experience, I articulated a desire to reclaim the identity that white supremacy has tried to strip me of, and I resisted the hegemony that reinforced the standards of the society we live in. The author's discussion of the aesthetics of art of many diasporic groups all tie in to the aesthetic of Aztlán, which emphasizes that the concept of place is more than physical, especially since Aztlán is sometimes regarded as a mythical utopia. The "neither here nor there" aspect of our identity is discussed; I find it interesting that when Chican@ artists "return" to Mexico they are not often welcomed, and they are certainly not welcomed here. The ambivalence of our "place" is central to our identity, and ultimately to our art. Our experience is inherently diasporic and that reflects in our culture and discourse. 

artist for presentation: Yolanda Lopez

I would like to state my intent to research Yolanda Lopez and present my findings for our artist for presentation project.