Blog Post #5: The Virgin of Guadalupe - Gonzalez, Melissa

 

Santa Rosa de Lima

For about the first 10-11 years of my life, I lived in Maywood, California, an extremely small city in LA County that is also a predominantly Latino community. My parents were Catholic during our time living in that city and we often went to a nearby Catholic church called Santa Rosa de Lima. In this church, I did catechism as well as my First Communion. I remember my dad doing something skin to adult catechism too. We were moderately involved with the church, although I really did not care to go to church at all, I sort of just accepted the fact that being Catholic was part of my “identity”. As I got older, around 14 years old and in my freshman year of high school, I began a phase of wearing a necklace of la Virgen de Guadalupe.

I cannot remember why I began to wear her so often but I did. One year, someone broke into the church and defaced the Virgin Mary with 666. I remember being so hurt by this that my phase of wearing her around my neck grew stronger. However, things began to change. I thought that since I was wearing her so often I would try and improve my religious studies. Reading the bible became a goal of mine but I read one story (that I cannot remember which but can remember a summary) and I became so disgusted with the contents that I read, I closed the bible, ceased wearing her around my neck, and never looked back. After dismissing the bible, I also realized that I hated going to church and sitting there for an hour listening to a priest telling me to be virtuous and doing certain acts is a one-way ticket to hell and that certain things are not “pure” in god’s eyes. I questioned many of the sermons of the church because I simply did not agree with what they saw as righteous or sinful. There was a point where my dad forced me to read psalms/stories to my younger brother and I realized that I hated doing that too. And THEN I began to assess my “relationship” with la Virgen de Guadalupe and I could not think of any other reason as to why I wanted to be close to her other than that’s what I was told to do. 

Since then, I detached myself from her because I realized it was an empty “relationship”. I don’t necessarily hate her, I just know now that the only reason I attempted to be close to her was that I was conditioned to. I know La Virgen is a huge symbol with Catholics and within the Chicanx community, but I simply do not feel the need to form a relationship with her, even as I further my studies of my community. I can admire who and what she represents (especially with the battles she was depicted in history, I found that quite interesting) but I cannot bring myself to admire her as I once did (or even in the mindset of the community) because it would simply be a lie. I don’t pay mind to her and I am no longer Catholic, as a matter of fact, I’m not religious at all, but I understand her importance to the community. 

Catholic Church Ransacked